Monday, January 05, 2009

Not Me Monday

The longer I have two children, the more *situations* I find myself in. I have long admired the escapades of those who have "Not Me" material to publish, especially MckMama and her posts here, but ironically enough, I am finding plenty of escapades myself.

This week, I did not want to shake my fist in the face of the Ikea-masters while carrying a screaming, hungry baby through the upstairs showroom, lost and desperately trying to find the quickest exit downstairs to go feed my baby. And of course I did not give up and try to nurse Addie in an alcove by an emergency exit, which did not result in me banging my 2-month old's head on the glass doors, and I'm pretty sure I did NOT flash any of the peaceful shoppers. I was NOT livid and ready to cry when I had to give up that peaceful nursing area and try again to find the exit. Who would rather carry a screaming baby and push a stroller through the crowds and winding showroom to find a private area rather than just get over it and not care who saw me feeding my baby? Not me, that would be ridiculous.

But, on the slim chance that I would try that, I am most certain that I did NOT accidentally *bump* one such shopper when she would not get out of the way of a screaming baby being carried by a very frantic mother, pushing a quite large stroller. No way I would EVER do that. Hello -- my husband is a pastor.

I did not stand and nurse Addie in the bathroom for twenty minutes, while someone waited outside the door. I was not desperate for a moment to collect my thoughts and calm down so that we could salvage the rest of the fun at Ikea.

I did not re-wash a perfectly clean pair of pants because the previous washing apparently *shrunk* them. No, that would indicate that my backside is still a little big from having two babies in thirteen months, which is so NOT the case. Of course my clothes fit me perfectly. And, that would be a waste of detergent and energy. I am NOT that careless. I did not pick up a piece of banana off the floor and feed to Juliana. That's just gross. Nor did I watch her pound down some soymilk after I brushed her teeth for bed. No way would I let my child go to bed with un-brushed teeth.

And, I most certainly did not use wet paper towels to change a child's diaper in the nursery. The mess was NOT too much and the wipes were NOT too small. Not me -- that would almost be like child cruelty. I'm pretty sure that the "mess" also did NOT get on the dress and did NOT need to be wiped off.


skB said...


You are an absolutely wonderful mother. I know it! And your children will appreciate your wonderful sense of humor--and I hope they inherit some of it as well!

You deserve an award for the Ikea saga...I do hope you found some special deals that day! :)

Allison said...

Oh Mel, I'm dying. Especially the last part. BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!

You are GREAT!

S said...

I love the 'not me' approach. I think I'll have to try that sometime. Except for the fact that I can never remember all my 'not me moment'. I can relate to your nursing in the bathroom episode. We've all been there. :) The things we can tell our kids someday. :) thank for your transparency!

Karis said...

I've so been there (or should I say I haven't been there either)... I too appreciated your sense of humor.

jeileenbaylor said...

oh that was so great to read as a new mother! Haha - thanks for sharing your great sense of humor!

akhughes said...

o man, melody...I am scared stiff to become a mother. :) I just hope that I can see the humor in it as you have chosen to do! May God give LOADS of grace to all mothers!!

kay said...

Being able to find humor in situations such as these definitely gives you points in the good mother department! Thanks for giving me a nice laugh!